A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady
replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
------------------------------ -----------
An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son;
do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me ..
your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife...."
------------------------------ -----------
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it
------------------------------ -----------
The older we get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting in line for
------------------------------ ------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
------------------------------ -------------
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to
youth,
think of Algebra.
------------------------------ ---------------
You know you are getting old when everything
either dries up or leaks.
------------------------------ -----------
I don't know how I got over the hill
without getting to the top.
------------------------------ ----------------
One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
------------------------------ ----------------
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
------------------------------ -----------------
Old age is when former classmates are so gray
and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
------------------------------ -----------------
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
------------------------------ --------
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper. !
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
------------------------------ -------------
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft..
Today, it's called golf!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A WELL PLANNED LIFE????
Two women met for the first time since graduating from
high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in
school,
Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked,
"What do those marriages have to do with a well planned
life?"
"One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
and four to go.
============================== ==================
TAKE YOUR PICK
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my
wife before we got married, Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
------------------------------
------------------------------ -----------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad,
where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from
your mother,
cause I still have mine."
------------------------------
------------------------------ -----------
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"
the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give
your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And
every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself."
------------------------------
------------------------------ -----------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and
said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all. "Me
neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook
and really good with the kids."
------------------------------
------------------------------ ----------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40
years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse
on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce
you man and wife."
------------------------------
------------------------------ ---------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
------------------------------
------------------------------ -----------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me
how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New
York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
------------------------------
------------------------------ -----------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
------------------------------
------------------------------ ---------
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at
a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him,
so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies,
"Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
------------------------------
------------------------------ ---------
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in
hell."
------------------------------
------------------------------ ---------
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him
how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the
doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
